It’s important for you to make a conscious decision to shift your thinking about your ex-husband or ex-wife, for the sake of your children and to also decrease the stress level in your own life.
This is a common challenge for many families.
Change YOUR perspective from seeing him or her as “the enemy”, to a sincere desire to get along better, simply because of the role he/she plays in your children’s lives. This new way of thinking will then influence how you interact with and relate to them.
When you take control of who you want to be in your relationship with your ex-spouse, you will probably feel less vulnerable. Feelings of being overwhelmed and trapped, which are common in these situations, can also be greatly reduced.
This new perspective helps you to take your power back. Since you can only control yourself, your reactions and how you respond, you are putting yourself back in the driver's seat. You are no longer a passenger in your own life!
Then, regardless of how your ex-husband or ex-wife continues to interact with you, try to stay focused on what’s important: the well-being of your children and keeping your life less burdened. When you refuse to argue, but instead remain calm and respectful, you are changing the direction of that one interaction.
These positive interactions can then build on each other and grow.
Consider using the Relationship Protocol model to give you the language you need to be more thoughtful, to reduce escalations, and to defuse conflicts in challenging relationships. You can do this!
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